I am broken ; I am not sick

It has been two weeks since my right total hip revision surgery. The worst is over; now it is time for healing and strengthening my right leg. After all, I am broken but not sick. These simple words were spoken by my orthopedic surgeon the day after the surgery. I had asked him if could get out of bed and sit in a chair and he responded yes, followed by those profound words. As I looked up at him, I thought, " he gets me". He understands my need to quickly heal and my desire to have everything back to normal, but it does not happen overnight. There is no magic in hip replacement surgery. This is a long and slow recovery. Revision surgery seems even more difficult than an original replacement.

The surgery itself went well; after all I was asleep. When I awoke in the recovery room, I ached all over and just moaned myself back to sleep. Once in my hospital room, I was able to see my husband again. It is always an internal emotional reunion for the both of us because there are always certain risks in any major surgical procedure. With any type of replacement surgery, the first few days are simply pure hell. You feel so helpless because aid is needed in order to accomplish the simplest tasks.

I was discharged from the hospital two days after surgery. In hindsight, it was way too soon. With the other two hip replacements, I was hospitalized at least four days. But I can not blame the insurance company or the hospital. It was all my doing. I wanted out so badly I willed myself to get up and walk the hospital hallways in order to come home. It was a deal I made with the doctor. Although it was a Dorian Gray deal because once I came home, I realized how difficult it was to get by without professional nursing care. My wound has not healed well and continues to drain as I write this. My poor husband has gained his R.N. degree by taking constant care of me and dressing my wound up to five or six times a day.

I long for the days of walking with out a limp and the ability to move freely without pain. Since I have been down this road before I know that day will come. I need to be patient and enjoy my time reading and relaxing.

Although this was not my plan for how I was going to spend my summer vacation. It is the Lord's will and I must accept it and move forward. The summer will come to a close and so will the pain. In my heart I know that the fall season with its glorious routine will return. As the leaves turn color and nature displays it true beauty so will I. For now, I sit and wait because healing takes time. "Brokenness" is a state of being and healing occurs long after the memory fades.