I am broken ; I am not sick

It has been two weeks since my right total hip revision surgery. The worst is over; now it is time for healing and strengthening my right leg. After all, I am broken but not sick. These simple words were spoken by my orthopedic surgeon the day after the surgery. I had asked him if could get out of bed and sit in a chair and he responded yes, followed by those profound words. As I looked up at him, I thought, " he gets me". He understands my need to quickly heal and my desire to have everything back to normal, but it does not happen overnight. There is no magic in hip replacement surgery. This is a long and slow recovery. Revision surgery seems even more difficult than an original replacement.

The surgery itself went well; after all I was asleep. When I awoke in the recovery room, I ached all over and just moaned myself back to sleep. Once in my hospital room, I was able to see my husband again. It is always an internal emotional reunion for the both of us because there are always certain risks in any major surgical procedure. With any type of replacement surgery, the first few days are simply pure hell. You feel so helpless because aid is needed in order to accomplish the simplest tasks.

I was discharged from the hospital two days after surgery. In hindsight, it was way too soon. With the other two hip replacements, I was hospitalized at least four days. But I can not blame the insurance company or the hospital. It was all my doing. I wanted out so badly I willed myself to get up and walk the hospital hallways in order to come home. It was a deal I made with the doctor. Although it was a Dorian Gray deal because once I came home, I realized how difficult it was to get by without professional nursing care. My wound has not healed well and continues to drain as I write this. My poor husband has gained his R.N. degree by taking constant care of me and dressing my wound up to five or six times a day.

I long for the days of walking with out a limp and the ability to move freely without pain. Since I have been down this road before I know that day will come. I need to be patient and enjoy my time reading and relaxing.

Although this was not my plan for how I was going to spend my summer vacation. It is the Lord's will and I must accept it and move forward. The summer will come to a close and so will the pain. In my heart I know that the fall season with its glorious routine will return. As the leaves turn color and nature displays it true beauty so will I. For now, I sit and wait because healing takes time. "Brokenness" is a state of being and healing occurs long after the memory fades.

Here we go again......another hip replacement surgery

My right hip dislocated a few weeks ago while we were at the Georgia Wine festival at The Three Sister's Winery in Dahlonega. It was an overcast and humid day, both my hips were hurting and I really had no desire to go anywhere. I knew it was going to rain and I was feeling miserable, but my old friends from Miami were in town. They have a vacation home in Jasper and called earlier that morning inviting us to the wine festival. I did not want to be a party pooper so I went along. I figured some wine might be just the medicine I needed.

When we arrived, I saw all the wine vendors under the white tents and thought this should prove to be a fun afternoon. I walked around with Eddie holding on to his hand because the ground was, of course, very uneven. We were in the North Georgia Mountains, after all. We spoke to some wine makers and I pretended to be interested in their product. All the while, I really wanted to sit or lay down somewhere. After some small talk and some wine sips, I saw a set of stone steps and went off by myself to sit down. All I could think about was I needed to get off my feet.

After lunch, I was finally honest with my friends and myself. I had to go home. No amount of wine in the world could make me feel better; it was just an achy arthritis day. I was no longer pretending to smile; I had had enough and needed to lie down. I went and sat in the backseat of their car. While I was sitting in the car waiting for the group, I reached over to pick up something on the floorboard of the car and POP!

I immediately screamed and I knew deep in my heart, here we go again. I had dislocated my left hip four years ago in my bathroom while attempting to remove the polish off my toes. Since then I have been able to avoid this horrible predicament by routinely getting professional pedicures.

Anyway I soon as I screamed, Eddie was by my side, Later he confessed that once he heard the scream; he also knew in his heart that it had dislocated. As everyone ran towards the car and among all the commotion, I remember a woman I’ve never seen before praying over me. I looked at her and she had her eyes closed, as she was deep in prayer. I will always be grateful for that moment and the kindness of strangers.

My friends drove me home and I was frantic because that was the worst pain I've EVER been in. The same winding country roads that I had fallen in love with upon moving to Georgia were now a source of incessant throbbing pain. As my body moved one way with the natural flow of the car, my dislocated leg went the other way. Eddie found a pillow in the car and lodged it between the car door and my dislocated leg. That seemed to aleve the pain and helped with the twists and turns. He also held me as I cried and my breathing became very labored.

When we arrived home Eddie called the rescue department. They arrived about fifteen minutes later, but they could not get me out of the backseat. They were two EMTs that did not know what they were doing. As I screamed they asked me, " well, ma'am what would like us to do?" They advised us to drive to the nearest emergency room hospital.

My dear friend Miriam and Eddie piled back into the car. While driving Miriam was so nervous and worried for me. It broke my heart to be the cause of worry in others. This was her vacation and she left her family to drive me to the hospital- after all, I was stuck in her car.

When we arrived at Northside Hospital, their ER medical team was simply amazing. After being stuck in that car for two hours with my leg not attached to the rest of me; I was ready to pass out. Within 15 minutes, I was on a stretcher with an IV line of narcotics to ease the pain. After they took X-rays; they sedated me and managed to pop my hip back in place. I was sent home later that night with a walker.

The following Tuesday afternoon I had an emergency appointment with an Orthopedic Surgeon. He confirmed what I feared. I need hip revision surgery as soon as possible because the hip may dislocate again at anytime. The plastic lining that is between my ball and socket is completely gone so I am basically metal against metal. Since it is such a smooth surface, it may dislocate very easily.

Tomorrow morning I will undergo a total hip revision surgery. Although it will be my ninth surgery, it feels as if it will be a new experience-a new doctor and a new hospital in a new city that so far has welcomed us with open arms. I may miss the familiarity of my medical history in South Florida, but I know that the same Lord who has guided all my past doctors will be in the operating room with my new doctor and me. My faith and hope remain the same no matter what city I reside in.

June 21, 2007
Dawsonville, Georgia